Monday was 6 weeks. Today was my 6 week follow up appointment with my midwife. I was looking forward to this appointment because it was something related to Maisie. And I miss her. I was excited to be with my midwife who delivered Maisie, because she was one of the few other people there in the moment. But I was also nervous that I would have a bit of a nervous breakdown there. And I knew there wouldn’t be a way to avoid some tears. Well I was right on all counts. I was happy and sad to be there. There were tears because this is not the kind of appointment I wanted to be there for. My body had a visceral negative & scared response. My eyes welled up, my chest ached, my heart beat faster, & the nurse even told me I had an elevated blood pressure. All things I literally couldn’t control. But this appointment gave me some final closure on Maisie’s birth story. I was able to hug the women who delivered Maisie (Katelyn) and see tears in her eyes she answered my question, “Is it normal to be crying at this appointment?” “Absolutely,” she said (among other things of course). Then we got to discuss some of the tests they ran. There were no surprises. Every test they ran to look for issues that can relate to stillbirth were normal. My levels for things such as blood clotting disorders to lupus were all normal. Placenta was normal size. Umbilical cord attachment was in the right place. The umbilical cord had the 3 vessels, it was the right length - it was a normal umbilical cord. But it had a markedly twisted appearance. Anything above 3 twists in an umbilical cord is abnormal. Maisie had over TEN twists at her belly button where it occluded. This was the one and only cause of death. Katelyn has looked back at my 20wk ultrasound info too and baby was the right size in all categories. She was the right size when I was measured at my 28wk appointment. Her death wasn’t a long drawn out process. It was a sudden instance, a final twist, likely a quick ordeal. 😢 I will note I did have a slightly elevated thyroid along with low hemoglobin - but neither of those played a role in what happened. However we are looking into those a bit more to help with things moving forward. Also there was a little infection found when they swabbed Maisie & the placenta, but it was from a natural bacteria we have in our bodies that would normally be found a few days after a death. As I’ve said before. Maisie had an accident. An unimaginable accident in the place we thought she was safest. While this is so incredibly beyond sad... it also gives our family hope for the future. We can have another successful pregnancy and healthy baby. Nothing that happened here has any indication or greater likelihood of happening again. Everything was perfect. And we lost our perfect baby girl. #stillbirth #stillbirthbreakthesilence #stillborn #stillbornstillloved #stillbornawareness #stillamama #stillbirthsupport #pregnancyloss
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AuthorMother. Jesus Lover. Mourner of my stillborn Maisie Martha Ofsthun. Archives
October 2021
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