This is PAS (pregnancy after stillbirth).
I wake up every morning and say to myself, “I hope I didn’t kill my baby while sleeping last night.” or "I hope my baby didn't die overnight." or "I hope I don't end up on my back sleeping for too long..." I have a fear of how I am sleeping since I know most stillbirths happen at night and sometimes I end up on my back which is dangerous too. It is exhausting... to wake up and wait, wait, wait for your baby to kick so you know she is still alive. And then she does... and it's all OK. But it's not fun needing to wait around thinking, "I hope you are OK baby. I hope you are alive."
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AuthorMother. Jesus Lover. Mourner of my stillborn Maisie Martha Ofsthun. Archives
October 2021
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