About 2 weeks after everything happened I had another bad dream. But the dream itself wasn't even quite the worst part.
In this dream I was at the hospital. I was preparing to give birth when I knew the baby wouldn’t be alive. But when I gave birth, the baby came out alive! Moving, breathing, crying, yett she looked just like Maisie did right when she was born. Maisie’s body did not alive. But in this dream, she kept surprising the medical staff by continuing to stay alive. So I thought, “Well they were wrong. She’s not dead. She’s not going to be dead. She’s going to be my baby I can take home!” I woke up after the dream continued a bit longer. I was really confused when I woke up. I honestly, truly, thought I was still pregnant. For a moment, I forgot what happened. And then I remembered, in the dead of night. And it hit me like a ton of bricks again. No, I wasn’t pregnant. No! Maisie was gone. No, I wasn’t going to ever get Maisie back in this life. This experience of waking up in the middle of the night and having to face the truth again honestly ranks as one of the worst moments following everything that happened.
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AuthorMother. Jesus Lover. Mourner of my stillborn Maisie Martha Ofsthun. Archives
October 2021
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