𝘉𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘵: 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘣𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘵
𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 : 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘢𝘥𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘉𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳: 𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘰𝘳 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯, 𝘨𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘧, 𝘰𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘵 𝘚𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘵: 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘳 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 This is a good word to add to your repertoire of life after stillbirth (or loss). Thinking about my pregnancy with Maisie… bittersweet. My memories with Maisie after she was born… bittersweet. My pictures with Maisie… bittersweet. Life in general after Maisie… bittersweet. Pregnancy after stillbirth… bittersweet. So bittersweet… I shouldn’t be pregnant right now, I should be taking care of a nearly 5 month old. I shouldn’t be spending another summer nauseous and not enjoying food. Yet here I am again with a literal & figurative bad taste in my mouth. It’s hard to express the bittersweetness that comes along with pregnancy after loss, because I don’t ever want to come across as ungrateful, or spiteful, or unhappy. But as much as I want to be pregnant right now, I don’t want to be… because I didn’t want this reality - the one where my baby died and I am forced to “try again”. The one where I am trying to make my family complete, but it will no longer ever be entirely complete. Bittersweet… It’s all so bittersweet.
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AuthorMother. Jesus Lover. Mourner of my stillborn Maisie Martha Ofsthun. Archives
October 2021
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