You know, I really, really missed the chance to be in person this year at BSF. To exchange smiles in the hallways, talk with friends from previous years, to see my children rejoin their teachers in the Children’s Program and make new friends. If we would have been together this year you may have seen me walking down the hall with two kids in tow and another on the way. We may have sparked up a conversation like - “oh, when are you due?” To which I would have replied, “February.” Or, "is it a boy or a girl.” “I don’t know it’s a surprise!”
And then we would have come back from our Christmas break and you would have seen me again with two kids in tow… but my pregnant belly gone, and no baby in my arms. You may have asked then, “Oh did you have your baby.” And I would have said, “Yes, but we didn’t get to take her home… she was born into the arms of Jesus before we got to hold her first. Just two months too soon, a perfectly healthy baby and pregnancy. A perfectly tragic umbilical cord accident that took her life.” God didn’t created us to die - this is one of the first things we learned in our study of Genesis this year. Death entered our lives as a result of sin, but God was merciful enough to have a plan established to save us from this sin and not separate us from Him forever. So while I think I am a pretty good mother… God provides me comfort knowing that my Maisie is with the ultimate and best Father. As we learned again and again in our study this year, God has a plan. God is omnipresent and with us always. God can pull the good from the bad. God’s plan will ultimately prevail even if it maybe has us following a more difficult path… that path might be unexpected, that path might be painful, that path might make you question “God, I know you could, so why didn’t you?” Many plans are in a person's heart, but the Lord's decree will prevail. Proverbs 19:21 Couldn’t you just have helped Sarah get pregnant a little sooner? Couldn’t you have let Jacob just have Rachel first? Couldn’t you have made Joseph’s path to Egypt a little easier? Couldn’t you have intervened and made my baby Maisie live? But despite having found myself asking that question… I have been in awe of how God has provided for me during this ultimate loss of a child. I mean, after all, can’t God relate with those of us who have lost a child? Because did we not also see many time in this study how God is personal, God hears our prayers, and God answers them. God may not have answered exactly my prayer for my baby to be born healthy and strong. But what God did is answer every prayer from then on out after we learned Maisie had passed. God protected me. God allowed me to deliver the natural way, prevented me from a painful and dangerous surgery with a hefty recovery time. God performed miracles for me... because given my history there was no guarantee the process of delivery would be without trials. And God still provides me all my strength and peace moving forward. His love is real. His love is strong. His love is the reason I can continue to go on. Because losing my daughter has seemingly destroyed me, yet I am not destroyed. This experience of stillbirth has shattered my hope that healthy babies are born alive, yet I am hopeful and confident that I will still have another child. And even though I was too proud to pray for help - God surrounded me with strong Christian people who did. Who brought me food, gave me gifts, listened to my cry, heard my story, and continue to be there for me. Because “if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it.” 1 Corinth 12:26 So… Let me tell you, God is pulling good out of Maisie’s death, even though she never took a breath here on earth. Because "we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:23 God is giving me favor with other women who have lost a child. God has given me a bit of a platform to share my faith. God is connecting me with other women who are living this life after loss. And all sorts of other good things are being created in memory of Maisie. What a powerful God. I’m sad I didn’t get to share Maisie’s short life with more people in passing. So if we all get to be together next year, and you see me walking down the hallway two kids in tow… hopefully, maybe, God willing, another on the way - don’t be afraid to say hi, don’t be afraid to ask questions, and don’t be afraid to say Maisie’s name to me because I LOVE to hear it.
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AuthorMother. Jesus Lover. Mourner of my stillborn Maisie Martha Ofsthun. Archives
October 2021
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