I’m headed to Florida today. Most people would think - yay, vacation! Yes. But no. I would trade all the vacations in the world for circumstances to be changed. I shouldn’t be able to be going to Florida right now. I should be prepping to have a baby in TWO days. My life took an unexpected and nasty turn. So while I wish I wasn’t on this vacation, of course I am still going to enjoy it. I am going to soak up the sun. I am going to be with my parents. I am going to swim in the pool with Isla and Lachlan. I’m going to go on many walks just to enjoy the outdoors. I’m going to take some time to be with just Ryan and go to the beach to remember you on the day you were supposed to be born. I am thankful to be able to be here. But being here also brings a heavy sadness, as this is not where I should be if Maisie was still living.
Maisie, I wish so badly you WERE still living. Maisie I was SO excited to meet you. Maisie, Mimi & Papa were supposed to be flying to MN to hang out with Isla and Lachlan and then meet you. But instead we are flying to FL without you. I wanted so badly to bring you to FL the following year once you had a better hold of life here on earth. But Maisie, guess what - you did go to FL in November with us & Ryan’s side of the family. You were busy kicking around in Mama during that time and you probably enjoyed the change of weather and more activity. I even made sure to stay out of the hot tub to keep you safe. I didn’t indulge in any alcoholic beverages with everyone else. I flaunted my baby bump in two piece swimsuits so I wouldn’t stretch out any one-pieces. We had fun there with you. But I know you are somewhere infinitely better than just silly old Florida. I can’t wait to explore heaven with you. You can show me around to your all your favorite spots. But save some exploration for me. I want to scout out some new spots with you when I get there too.
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AuthorMother. Jesus Lover. Mourner of my stillborn Maisie Martha Ofsthun. Archives
October 2021
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