I felt a little bit like a kid on Christmas morning today... knowing Maisie’s gravestone was going to be put in.
I would have camped out all day to have caught the action, but it ended up getting put in while we were at VBS this morning. I did a drive by on the way home, and saw it had been placed. However, Ryan and I agreed we wanted to go see it together, so the kids and I waited until he got home... then we literally left the minute he got home. Like a kid waiting for their parents to wake up Christmas morning... I had to exercise my patience this afternoon. So we went. And we saw it. And it looked even better in person than it had on screen. And I was so happy. But I was so sad. It was good to see, but it was tough. It felt like another moment of finality. As much as I was looking forward to this, and wanted this official gravestone... I missed the fresh mound of dirt, the temporary marker, the newness of it all. Now it doesn’t seem as much like it just happened. But didn’t it just happened? Time keeps ticking, putting distance between me and my Maisie. But as someone reminded me this week... at the same time also bringing me closer to our reunion in heaven. So as excited as I was, like a kid on Christmas morning, it was also the kind of gift that made you cry.... because of the sentiment, because of the meaning, because of the circumstances. Yet it really felt good to finally get another good cry out. ~~~~ Last Thursday Maisie’s headstone was installed. I had been looking forward to this day ever since we locked down the design & ordered early April. I wanted to camp out at the cemetery all day to see it get put in, but we were at VBS when it ended up getting installed. That was good though because then Ryan and I decided to go see it for the first time together as a family. I anxiously waited all day for him to get home so we could go, almost as excited as a kid on Christmas morning. However, seeing it was a big old bag of mixed emotions. I was happy it was there. But I was sad there was no longer a mound of fresh dirt - signifying this still seemingly “just” happened. It turned out even better than I expected. But I was distraught it even had to be made at all. I was glad of the size & presence of it. But noted all together with the concrete border it was bigger than Maisie’s casket. Upon first glance, I smiled to start... but after taking it all in I balled my eyes out. It was a lot. And it’s another closed page on the To-Do’s for Maisie’s short life. I had so many hopes and dreams for you my daughter... a beautiful gravestone wasn’t one of them.
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AuthorMother. Jesus Lover. Mourner of my stillborn Maisie Martha Ofsthun. Archives
October 2021
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