I know I’m not alone in thinking this after talking to other stillbirth moms. I knew well before MY stillbirth that a miscarriage was completely different. I’ve now experienced both. And I’m sorry to say... but relating a miscarriage to a stillbirth is like apples & oranges. To be completely honest it is very triggering for me when people relate to me with a miscarriage. “Yes, but...” - is what I want to say. While there are similarities, stillbirth is a whole different ball game. I will go on to a explain more in these next 2 posts. I am by no means demeaning anyone’s pain (if you take it that way - please don’t). It’s a comparison and MY experience. Also, it is a teaching moment for those who may not know the difference between the 2 terms.
I understand and relate to the pain from a miscarriage. The excitement thrown away, the hope thwarted, the pain, the blood. I had 3, all at 7 weeks. Two after Isla, before Lachlan. One after Lachlan, right before #maisiemarthaofsthun I’m sorry for anyone whose struggled to create their family. I made peace with my miscarriages... (which is also made easier because of the matter that I DO have living children). Think about how intricate a human life is. How amazing that a full, tiny human being can be born from a sperm and an egg. Think about all the things that have to come together perfectly for that to happen. I think (and this is just me) that sometimes it doesn’t quite come together as it should... and a #miscarriage may be God’s way to help when something is not quite right. He made us be able to create a life, but in that code too, He also let our bodies know possibly when that life isn’t all it should be for this earth. Thus, a miscarriage. Maybe that’s not the case for all miscarriages, for sure. But it’s a theory of just mine. Also, my miscarriages were early... so I don’t know the experience of a late miscarriage. But Maisie, my sweet stillborn Maisie. I carried her for 7 months. I had “morning” sickness all day long for over 2 months. My body changed. I was clearly pregnant. I got the all clear at the 20 week anatomy scan. I heard her heart beating just a week before it stopped. I had to be induced to prepare my body to give birth. My body didn’t know something was wrong and it had to get rid of the body inside me. I had to experience full on labor. And Maisie gave me the gift of a vaginal birth... which I lamented never being able to experience with Isla or Lachlan. Though we know birth is intense, I wouldn’t have traded one second of that experience getting to be a mom to Maisie. There was a body that should have otherwise survived outside of the tragic accident that happened. We had to buy a burial plot, plan a funeral, and bury her tiny little casket. This was all VERY different from a miscarriage. God never intended for us to die. God is sad about death... so much that he immediately set up a plan to give us everlasting life through sacrificing his own son Jesus. So God didn’t take Maisie from me. God is sad along with me. And God is going to give her back to me in my eternal life.
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AuthorMother. Jesus Lover. Mourner of my stillborn Maisie Martha Ofsthun. Archives
October 2021
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