March 3, 2021
11 weeks 2 days That is how long after birth it took for my body to regulate itself back to - “You’re not pregnant anymore! Nor are you nursing a newborn.” Never in my life have I wanted my period so bad. “Come on body - lets get the ball rolling,” I had been yelling in my mind for months! I wanted to be back to my regular cycle so that I could have the chance to try to get pregnant again. You need to ovulate to get pregnant. And that wasn’t happening as soon as I wanted. But now I know it has, and I hope that my body continues to synchronize a regular cycle so that my forthcoming attempts are yielding. As excited as I was for this long awaited return of Aunt Flo… there was a twinge of disappointment that previous efforts to maybe get pregnant before my period even returned were not fruitful. But I wasn’t betting on that outcome. So overall, much joy that I finally made it to this day. So now I can go ahead and try to get pregnant again right away - right? Wrong… Another frustrating piece is the timing of this return… I am now into March when my next ovulation would be set to occur. Getting pregnant in March means a December baby. I already have 2 December babies. Lachlan’s birthday the day after Christmas is already stressful enough. And now I have a “birthday” to mourn every year for Maisie. I am not wanting to add another life event in that month because it’s from here on out going to be a very emotionally draining and busy month each year for the rest of my life. I even think I need to avoid an early January due date in case I go too early and end up with another late December birthday. But then on the other hand I think about how bad I want to have 3 living children… should I put so much significance and pressure on the month that baby is born? On the proximity to Maisie’s death/birth/funeral? And then I also remember, it’s not quite up to me. I can plan all I want to plan, but ultimately I know God’s plan will prevail. And I yield to His will. See how nothing is easy anymore? #maisiemarthaofsthun #stillbirth #stillbirthbreakthesilence #stillborn #stillbornstillloved #stillbirthawareness #stillbornawareness #stillamama #stillbirthsupport #pregnancyloss #umbilicalcordaccident #stillbornbutstillborn #bornstill
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AuthorMother. Jesus Lover. Mourner of my stillborn Maisie Martha Ofsthun. Archives
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