Friday, December 18th, 2020
I’m not sure what we really did this day. It was our first day without somewhere to go or someone to see. I think I worked out getting pictures printed and sending Ryan to Walgreens to pick them up for the funeral. Oh, actually something did come up this day. I got a call from the doctor’s office that I had to come in to get another Rhogam shot. I have O- blood, so throughout all my pregnancies I have had to get this shot. It helps my body to not create antibodies against a baby in case they have a positive blood type, on the chance any blood is exchanged throughout pregnancy. I actually just got one at my 28-week appointment earlier that month. And we decided at the hospital after delivery that I didn’t need another one because that one would hopefully be sufficient. So I was confused why I now needed another one. I ended up calling my mom to see if she could come drive me to Waconia since I thought I probably shouldn’t go by myself. I went in and as I waited by the door to be let into the clinic I started having a bit of a panic attack. Here I was at the place where I had almost all my appointments throughout this pregnancy (and Lachlan’s). I didn’t think to wonder if I might have some PTSD, but now here I was fighting back tears, trying to breath through my mask, and a sudden sharp backache starting. I got let in, checked in, gave 2 presents to the front desk to be given to my midwives Shawn and Katelyn, and sat in the waiting room trying to control my pain and tears. After waiting a while the lady who let me in came up and said she was so sorry, she didn’t have any idea what I was going through, Shawn just told her when she brought the gift back, and said she would try to get me back into a room as soon as possible. More tears as I nodded ok. I got through the appointment (even though it took forever because I couldn’t find someone who could actually explain to me why I was getting this shot again – and ultimately Shawn ended up coming in and knew what to say). On our front step when my Mom and I arrived back was the first of many surprises to arrive to us by mail in remembrance of Maisie. We opened it up to find a ceramic angel holding up a baby as if sending baby to heaven. It was perfectly sweet, but we didn’t know who it came from because there was no note! (We later on found out it is from Ryan’s Uncle Jerry and Aunt Becky.) My mom headed back home and we must have had dinner and I think the kids requested that night to watch some Baby Yoda. They watched, but I couldn’t have told you what happened in the episode because my mind was still moving a million miles an hour. #maisiemarthaofsthun Published 1/19/2021
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AuthorMother. Jesus Lover. Mourner of my stillborn Maisie Martha Ofsthun. Archives
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