I have to admit this wasn't my finest moment, but I was just saying it to my husband in the comfort of my own home. We had the Masters Golf Tournament on yesterday. Some story was on about a golfer who recently had a baby. Of course, they showed a picture of the parents holding their newborn. What did I think when I saw this picture with a baby who was clearly alive. "Wow, must be nice to have an alive baby." My husband looked at me and said, "You do have 2 babies alive and healthy." Yes, but....
Sorry, now I am a bit jaded. Unfortunately, I now know not all babies come out alive. And living through this trauma has changed me. Of course, how could it not? Hardened, cynical, disenchanted, wary... what's the best word? I don't know. I love babies. I cherish them. I am so happy for families that get the outcome that is supposed to happen. I want more than anything and pray so hard for all babies to be born alive and well. When I see a newborn... I am not jealous. I am not upset. I am not bitter. But I am sad... I am sad I didn't get that same outcome with Maisie. It's not you, it is totally me.
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AuthorMother. Jesus Lover. Mourner of my stillborn Maisie Martha Ofsthun. Archives
October 2021
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